What is the advantage of a worry?

Trust grows.

You are FOCUSED on some aspect of your child. You are paying attention!

You are not in denial or avoiding an issue; you are actively focused upon the issue and wanting a solution.

This can be enormously productive if you refuse to hex your child with your worry and instead transform your noticing into a powerful strategy.

Here are six steps that will help you turn worry hexes into positives:

STEP ONE: Notice any area where your child needs assistance NEUTRALLY rather than negatively.     If you notice your child needs development neutrally, as though it were an interesting fact, rather than something of dread, this enables you to use your focus powerfully.

Focus on where they struggle in order to know how to best assist.

STEP TWO: Consciously begin to build them by paying positive attention in whatever area they are having some difficulty.  The best way to do this is to gently support, affirm and build THEIR confidence in themselves in whatever area they are struggling.

For example if Janie is nervous around other children you would affirm her future with something like this,  “You are so kind to other people Janie, you are going to have many good friends in your life.” If little Ben is anxious about swimming lessons you could let him know some strengths you noticed, “I noticed how brave you were in the pool today Ben and that you got braver and stronger every minute.”

Focus on the True Self of your Child.

STEP THREE:  Pay more attention to breaking your own habit of imagining the worst outcome than to dealing with the child until you get your own worry under control.

Start noticing what is going on in your brain.   Just pay attention to when a worry intrudes. When you notice that your brain is worrying about your child mentally say NO! Very loud.

Some people find it helpful to slap the counter or table to reinforce their, “NO!”

STEP FOUR: Immediately focus your brain on creating an image of your child (in the future) doing very well in whatever area you were creating a worry. Ie: If your child is shy you would see him or her enjoying themselves with friends, laughing and being very relaxed. If they have a problem with temper you would see them calming themselves and remaining in control.

STEP FIVE: Consciously interact with your child as if they already the positive qualities fully developed within them.

If they are having problems with temper interact with them on a day-to-day basis as though they had already learned kinder, calmer, more controlled behaviours.

Begin to see them as a basically calm person who just needs some help to return to themselves.

See the Strengths even in Diversions

STEP SIX: Use any interactions around the negative behaviours as an opportunity to remind your child of their true self.

“Jonathon, I know you are very smart and you can learn anything. I see that here at home with the Lego you build and the way you win at that Xbox game. You are smart and will figure out how to be smart at school too!.”

“Elise, I know you are very loving so you must have just gotten beside yourself to throw that tantrum at the store. You can figure out how not to do that and I will help you by taking you out of the store if it begins to happen again.”

STEP SEVEN: Affirm your belief in them at all times. “I know you are a good, wonderful person and I love you. You will find a way through this. You will get this. Some things just take a bit of time but you are good and smart and you always figure it out.”

Affirm this over and over again.  BELIEVE THIS!

You can use your worries and re-shape them into a fixed focus on building and strengthening your child.   Don’t worry! The good fairies always win.

Worry is an incantation about the future. If you are going to cast spells make sure they are good ones!

With care,

Dr. T.

Photo Credit: Baby in Bath  c. Deposit Photos/mumurozunic