New Year Resolutions rely on us focusing on what we haven’t yet done.

Too often there isn’t enough emphasis on the…YET.

So often the act of setting resolutions becomes the baton of guilt with which we beat ourselves about the year that has passed – hoping to self flagellate into glorious perfection in the year ahead.

The truth is that humans are not shiny, metallic droids of perfection.

We are tender, messy, LIVING, growing animisms.

Like any living thing we expand and unfold in the right conditions and we contract and cease growing if conditions are cold and harsh.

Living things respond to how they are treated.

Humans respond better to gentle husbanding than to violent command.

New Years resolutions often fall into the violent command category (with a big dollop of demeaning yourself for past “failures” thrown into the mix).

Often, resolutions are set with this tone:

“Ok, you useless lump. This year you are going to get all of your closets in order and keep your kitchen clean or else…”

The mental “or else” is our threat to ourselves that if the goal is not met we will belittle and demean ourselves.

This commitment to self-violence raises our sub-conscious anxiety to such a level it is little wonder that often we have stumbled and fallen from our resolutions before February 1! (are you close?)
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HERE IS A GENTLER RESOLUTION RECIPE for you to try:

1.    Make yourself a cup of your favourite brew and, with pen in hand, look at your life to date and identify areas where you have ACTED WITH BRAVERY.

Identify times in your past and present where you have used self-determination or have been courageous, particularly on your own behalf.

2.    GET REALLY SPECIFIC specific about your courage or perseverance. For example:

a.    The way you persevered in a difficult job or relationship.
b.    The strength with which you faced some misfortune.
c.    The strong will you employed to finish a degree or a project.
d.    The courage you took to end a toxic friendship or to say NO to something you knew wasn’t good for you.
e.    The steady honesty you used to set better boundaries for yourself, to say NO to something you knew wasn’t good for you, to confront that invasive neighbor.

3.    ACKNOWLEDGE THE TRUTH of your own bravery in big AND small things.

The truth is that you have often taken a risk on your own behalf – even if you live a quiet and “ordinary” life.

On many days you have fears that you confront and move through.

There are also big risks you have taken on your own behalf:

Going off to College in another town, state or country;  deciding to have a baby; having a necessary operation even though you were terrified; taking a new job which really challenged you etc.

4.    HONOR yourself for your bravery.
Chogyam Trungpa says,

“Through courage we do not REDUCE our fear, we go beyond it.”

The truth is that often you have had to FACE your fears and you have done so.

This recognition of your bravery and past accomplishments give you a platform of your own strength on which you can stand as you make future plans.

So…rather than the traditional position of resolutions which is:

“What have I failed at AGAIN that I need to harass myself with this year?”

Your new beginning becomes,

“Given all that I have tackled to date and the courage I have displayed I know I have courage and can trust my strength.  My next step will be….”

THERE, in your own courage you have a solid place in which to stand and launch your new beginnings.

With care,

This post is especially for Luis, Lasha & Sofia who have flown off to new beginnings.
May your courage be rewarded with soft landings.

Photocredits (in order): c. Depositphotos/KarSol; diego_cervo; Kikkerdirk; estebande.