Get you some Attitude Babe!

Marietta was a quietly spoken women with three children under the age of 6. She was very caring and generally got on with people.

The problem began when Marietta’s oldest child entered the school system.  A group of Mums invited Marietta to their activities and she soon became part of their “circle.” Unfortunately, over time, this group proved to be Frienemies – people who pretend to be friends to your face but are really your enemies.

“Casual” snide comments made face-to-face to Marietta were the tip of the iceberg in terms of the ridicule happening  behind her back. Nasty comments and barely concealed whispers were covered by laughter or fake smiles.

Marietta found she was dreading taking her daughters to school because she would have to chat with the “group” and put up with yet another round of barbs.  Bullying was something Marietta hadn’t encountered before and she felt totally at a loss.

The first thing is that Marietta needs to do is…

1. GET CLEAR!

Marietta needs to recognize these people are not her friends, no matter what they say, they are her enemies. They are targetting her.

It would be better for Marietta to go straight to the blood bank than deal with the constant blood loss back-stabbers will inflict. Once she gets clear then she has clear rules,

“One stays OUT Of the enemy camp.  One does not enter the enemy camp and try to please them.” KNOW YOUR ENEMIES.

2. ATTITUDE! Get you some attitude babe!

Marietta needs a more kick ass feeling state (attitude) than, “Please don’t pick on me.” She needs to know that bullies love to target emotions. The group know her sweet spots for the knife.

Luckily it doesn’t matter how much they THINK they know.

Marietta can overthrow all of that if she doesn’t give them the response they expect. She needs to stay dead pan even if she is distressed.

The group know she is an open person.  If she doesn’t show she is upset then they don’t know whether the knife jab worked.

To get some attitude Marietta needs to read a bunch of quotes like this before she goes into school:

“Never mistake my silence for weakness. No-one plans a murder out loud.”

“I’m sorry dear. In order for you to insult me I must first value your opinion. Nice try though.”

“I would challenge you to a battle of wits but I see that you are unarmed. William Shakespeare

3. FOXHOLE: Get out of the visual field for a while.

You don’t serve your enemies tea and cakes, you give them a wide berth.

This group relies on the PRETENSE of friendship to attack.

Marietta needs to loosen the connection, organize other things. She needs to get there just to school just in the nick of time and always be going somewhere immediately afterward. To give little time for interaction and just go AWOL for a while.

Space gives back separateness.

4. KEEP WEAPONRY IN GOOD REPAIR.

Marietta needs to have some clear ways to show her teeth without having to bite. Bullies don’t expect this.

If someone tries to toss in a snide comment she can interrupt and say,“Pardon? Would you repeat that please?”

Gossipers don’t want to have to say nasty things clearly. Often they will back down and refuse to repeat OR, if they clearly repeat THEN Marietta can take offense and withdraw from the  group immediately.

It is game over once the passive-aggressive nature of gossiping is made visible.

5. HOORAH! YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE FRIENDS……EVER

Much of the pressure of FRIENEMIES for Marietta was having to pretend she was friends with people who were hurting her.

She felt a lot of relief once she realized she didn’t EVER have to be friends with these people.

Once trust is broken we can forgive if we wish but we don’t ever have to give our trust back, “Fool me once, silly you. Fool me twice, silly me.”

6. GET YOU SOME GOOD PEOPLE!

Being in a “group” often cuts us off from all of the lovely people who don’t like “group behaviours.”

Marietta made the effort to make connections and spend time with some of the Mums who were ignored by the group.  She soon found she had some lovely friends who shared her values.  REPLACE and rejuvenate!

The MOST important thing is for Marietta to KEEP THAT ATTITUDE! Here’s her new stance:

“You don’t like me?

Sorry but I am so-o-o-o clear about what really matters that I have no intention of jumping into the sewer to play with you.

I could schedule a date in my diary to give a flying fig about what YOU think but, as I intend to be very busy enjoying my life, I can’t guarantee I will EVER get to it.

Good luck to you though…”

With care,

Dr. T.

Photocredits (in order) : c. Depositphotos/photography33/algolonline/jeanette.Dietl.