What we say carries about 10% of our influence impact. The rest is carried by HOW we say it and by what we actually DO. By our authenticity. With children the influence of words is even lower, dropping to about 5%. Thus it behooves us to be strong in the sense of purpose we have […]

Elle’s parents were upset about the amount of time she spent on the Internet and that she was not doing “normal” social activities with her peers. At 14 she was a softly spoken young woman who offered no resistance as her parents listed a litany of complaints against her. Her mother declared her “abnormal” and […]

CREATING THE SUB-WORLD The most important thing about creating the homework space is the Gestalt. The Gestalt is the whole experience, including the feeling state and the vibe. A bad vibe gives us a negative association; with a good vibe we develop positive association. We have all sat around a coffee table where the vibe […]

PART ONE: UNDERSTAND THE REALITIES OF YOUR CHILD’S WORLD “The string of the bow should not always be drawn tight.” (Chinese proverb) Why? Because the bow will lose its elasticity. By allowing the string to fall back to the relaxed position the archer protects the capacity of the bow to keep shooting arrows. In the […]

ALOHA ALOHA I love the Hawaiian language. It is one of the simplest and yet most complex languages on earth. One phrase can have many meanings embedded in each word (rather like a conversation with your teenager!). The word Aloha is commonly translated as LOVE. One of its literal translations is sharing affection, joy and […]

Goldarned consciousness!   You gather your courage to look at how you grew up and what do you get? NOW you see lots of crazy patterns you have to change. Goldarn it! You may even have a list in front of you that is sooooo long that it just makes you want to take two […]

A hunting we will go…. Christmas and Easter – two of the seasons where you are in intimate contact with the oddities of the clan that raised you. Just as the child raised by wolves thinks that walking on all fours is the speediest way to move, many of us learned awkward ways to move […]

In the 21st Century fame, greed and opulence are widely peddled but CALM is much undervalued.     In my suburb many of the modest dwellings of the 70s have been bulldozed to make place for concrete mansions. A neighbourhood that used to consist mainly of small homes with gardens that ran to the street […]

Do we have more bad days than our forebears? Or, as we are so often told, are we ungrateful beggars who just need to think happy thoughts? Angela, mother of three children under 5, caregiver for her mother, Accounts Manager for her husband’s business and oft-time babysitter of her sister’s children, tucked her hands under […]

In the West it is women who create Christmas for their families – particularly when children are small. The sense of responsibility to create happiness for others can seem overwhelming. It can be encouraging to know that we can create a happy Christmas messily, imperfectly and even at slug level. [As per my last message […]