CREATING THE SUB-WORLD

The most important thing about creating the homework space is the Gestalt.

The Gestalt is the whole experience, including the feeling state and the vibe.

A bad vibe gives us a negative association; with a good vibe we develop positive association.

We have all sat around a coffee table where the vibe was nasty.

We have also, hopefully, had the experience of being in a group where everyone was relaxed and friendly. You can feel the difference.

Sometimes you walk into a party or a meeting and pick up the vibe straight away.

As a result you either think,

“This is going to be fun!”

OR,

“Get me out of here!”

Homework is the same.

The first, and most important creation for creating a safe learning sub-world is creating the VIBE for homework.

Remember, you want to create a sub-world which your child associates with pleasure, mastery, comfort and power.

This is doubly important if your child has been having difficulty at school.

If they feel diminished, demeaned, not good enough, “dumb” at school, the pressure is on with homework.

All children are intelligent.

The idea of creating a learning sub-world is that you relax your child and assist him or her to FEEL and experience their own competence and genius.

An anxious Mother flapping around trying to get the kids engaged won’t do it.

There’s a reason the circus in held in a colourful tent with ringmaster, amazing costumes, music, lights and flourish. If we were marched into a grey tent where a man in a suit read a list of the acts in a monotone most of the circus vibe would be lost. Circus is a vibe!

To create a vibe we think about it and take control.

Women do this every time they create something special for their children: be it a day at the beach, a sleepover, a birthday or Christmas. We know how to do it.

For Christmas we decorate, cook and plan to create a special experience.

That experience is a feeling state as much as anything. Few children have a negative association with the Christmas tree for example! They expect good!

And, once all of the work is done and the wrapped gifts are being torn open with delight, Mothers enjoy the vibe they created.

Creating a good experience for your family in any domain is the same.

You want to set up positive expectancy and good mood.

I’m not suggesting that homework needs all of the hoopla of Christmas but it does need us to create a vibe. You keep bad tempers, impatience and ill moods at bay with pleasant calm. Discipline is not your primary tool.

No-one sits kids down on Christmas and says,

”NOW! You are going to enjoy this day and get through it whether you want to or not. Do you hear me!?” (cue power struggle…)

These words are often used with homework. Equally impotent is the fake happy approach,

“Yay! Its homework time, lets have fun!”

Which, within ten minutes usually deteriorates to,

“Sit at the table and DO IT because I said so!”

Your job is to make the “vibe” of homework a good one.

If homework has been a site of frustration and tears then you have a bit of work ahead of you to change the vibe. Still, it can be done.

If homework has been the site of power struggles in the past, don’t expect your child to lay their weapons down without question.

You have raised them to be smarter than that!

Instead, refuse to re-engage in war.

You are creating something.

Because you are an adult you have every capacity to do this if you stick to your guns (peaceful ones) and just follow through. You have the power.

Here’s a lovely example of how one lady just bypassed the daily tears and tantrums and created a new vibe. Homework arrived home weekly on Monday.

She announced that Monday night was “homework night” where they were going to get as much of it done as possible so the rest of the week was free AND, while they worked, they would have pancakes.

Her kids have food allergies and rarely get desserts. Even though she made totally healthy Almond flour pancakes the kids were delighted by the treat of eating pancakes as they did homework.

In the general enthusiasm one of her kids was smart enough to ask if they could have Milo as well. Ta da!

When her husband home all the kids could talk about was that when they do homework Mum makes pancakes! In one fell swoop she had created enjoyment and enthusiasm and linked it to homework.

Her kids were excited about the next “homework night.”

This is a great example of knowing your kids and creating a vibe that works for them.

More specific strategies about homework vibes next time.

In the interm here is the key question for successful vibe creation:

What comforts your child’s heart?

Once you know this you will be able to reclaim the space of your child’s hope and intelligence.

If you haven’t felt it before look forward to the Victory Vibe.

Photocredits (in order): c. Depositphotos: Captblack76; Focuspocus; Hasloo; DiegoCervo; katkov; Andreus.