PART ONE: UNDERSTAND THE REALITIES OF YOUR CHILD’S WORLD

“The string of the bow should not always be drawn tight.” (Chinese proverb)

Why?

Because the bow will lose its elasticity.

By allowing the string to fall back to the relaxed position the archer protects the capacity of the bow to keep shooting arrows.

In the 21st century we have lost this wisdom.

We think that keeping CHILDREN (the bow) stretched at all times will increase their capacity (arrows)!

This is disastrous for small children who, more than any of us, need rest, play and idle time to reach their full and strongest neurological position for learning and life.

It is critical that parents stay aware of the realities of their child’s daily life and don’t romanticize or idealize school.

Here are four factors adults need to consider:

1. New curricula place increasing performance demands on children.
   1. The individuality of neurological maturation is neither recognized nor tolerated.
   2. This punishes children with neurological maturation that deviates from the norm.

2. Children’s play and lunch times have been reduced. They must sit and work for longer durations and receive fewer, and shorter, breaks.
   1. Children are now entitled to fewer breaks than those given to adults.
   2. Breaks used to serve the purpose of allowing children to meet their needs without having to seek permission from another person.
   3. In schools, a child must ask permission to go to the bathroom and may not even rise to stretch their legs without an adult’s say-so.
   4. Decreased legitimate breaks put them increasingly at the mercy of adult whim. Imagine the stress adults would feel in a workplace where they needed the permission of another adult to stand or go to the bathrooom!

3. 3. As adult norms have infiltrated children’s social spaces their social world has become status oriented and competitive.

4. With the rise of bullying in schools your child may also be dealing with violence or observing violence on a daily basis.

These realities can be addressed successfully but parents must watch the “work” demands of the new curriculum very carefully to ensure their children are not being pushed beyond their coping capacity.

Most of us understand that, at the end of a day in the office the last thing people want to do is more work.

Often we don’t extend this basic understanding and compassion to children.

Children are less neurologically equipped to force themselves to sit and focus after “work” to do more work than adults.

The very important first step with homework is making sure it does not take on the same stressful “work” overtones of the classroom.

It is important that homework  is a gentle, unpressured experience with a lot of positive feedback, interest and affirmation for what they are doing.
Ideally, homework is part of a happy home life.

A home life that is paced to be predictable, calm and relaxed provides the ideal base for healing homework.

If home life is stressed, harried and hurried it is difficult to make homework pleasurable.

We can create an environment which allows our children to associate learning with pleasure, relaxation and reward.

Rewards, calm, gentleness and enjoyment.

Whenever we structure these into life, life gets better.

Next week will focus on fostering these factors into homework.

Just for now, ask yourself,

“Is there a less tense position I could hold about homework?”

Just by asking the question you are beginning to help your child.

Don’t allow the bow of your child’s intelligence to be stretched beyond its capacity.

Gentle steps.

Photocredits (in order): c. Depositphotos/Sumners;focuspocusltd; AlexKosov; photography33;Mactrunk; monkeybusiness; photography33;katrinaelena; shalamov.