Diana had a very stressful job. She worked for a large accounting firm where all employees were assigned work on a rolling basis. This meant no matter how many cases you completed, there was always another. Many cases had deadlines with zero flexibility which meant they had to be completed at the end of the work day.  The Supervisor selected what work you received and, because Diana was not one of his favorites,  she was often assigned complex cases which took a long time to complete.

Diana’s Supervisor often told her she was not doing enough and she was not as competent as others. Employees were ranked on number of cases completed, and, although Diana knew what was happening wasn’t fair she still felt inferior and distressed.

The office was open plan and this made Diana’s work day even more unpleasant.  Employees could be observed and were time monitored by logging onto their computers in the morning and “logging off” if they needed a toilet break. The minutes they took in the restroom were literally recorded on their work log!

Lunch was half an hour, barely time to get a sandwich out of the vending machine, and Diana usually ate alone.

To add to her misery, Diana was experiencing a lot of bullying and nastiness from her colleagues.  People whispered and gossiped about her in nearby cubicles, openly made snide comments and excluded her from lunch and other social activities.

The open plan gave her no refuge and, when she met colleagues in the lunch room or the restroom, she was the target of more active bullying.

Diana reported that, by the end of the day, she usually had a thumping headache and couldn’t wait  to get home, unwind and go to bed.  She had always been able to make herself complete reports after dinner but she was finding she could no longer force herself to focus, let alone concentrate long enough to complete a case.

Anyone who has suffered in a high pressure work environment can have compassion for Diana, but it is difficult to get adults to exhibit the same sympathy for children.

Our children are also in a work environment.  They have even less control than Diana over the amount of work they receive, their “Supervisor” and “colleagues.”  If they are unlucky enough to get a “Supervisor” or “colleagues” who are cruel they have no power to move out of the environment by “applying” for another position. They are stuck.

They receive no pay for completing the work and, with increased “outcomes” focus in schools must produce outputs to deadlines, no matter what that does to them as individuals.

We are humans living lives in times of great imbalance. For many people work/family balance has been lost; work/rest balance, focus and recover balance. We are enforcing this same imbalance onto our children.

In an effort to cram more information into children we are reducing their play and lunch times in schools even though we know longer breaks increase their capacity to focus and learn. We are forcing them to sit for longer  and increasing the pressure of tasks. The increased focus on “ranking” places more pressure on individuals and creates a culture of aggressive competition.

Parents must watch these “work” demands very carefully and ensure their child does not get pushed beyond what is fair and reasonable and what they can manage.

Parent’s now also have to buffer their children’s stress.  Children are increasingly expressing school aversion, school avoidance and separation anxiety due to the increased pressure.

If your child is expressing this you are not the one “bad parent” facing this situation! Don’t allow yourself to be labelled!

From mild physical symptoms such as stress headaches, stomach aches and tears to head banging, tics, hair pulling and early emergence of Obsessive Compulsive symptoms, children are telling us that the stress of their “work environment” is out of balance.

A Chinese proverb says that the string of the bow should not always be drawn tight. Why? Because it will lose its elasticity.

By allowing the string to fall back to the relaxed position the archer protects the capacity of the bow to keep shooting arrows.

Have a look at your own child and your own home life. Is there a less tense position you could hold? Is the bow being held tightly all the time? With school and the increasing homework demands of the new curriculum parents must watch this balance very carefully.

In the 21^st century we have lost the wisdom of the Chinese proverb. We think that keeping the bow stretched at all times will increase its capacity.  We are constantly being told to “do more” and rarely, if ever, told we are doing “enough” or to “do less!”

This is disastrous for small children who, more than any of us, need rest, play and idle time to reach their fullest, strongest neurological position for learning and life.

It is MOST important the “homework” does not take on the same stressful “work” overtones of the classroom.

Next week I will focus on ways to deal with homework that can protect your child’s learning capacity and reduce family stress.

In the interim, remember to clock out early! and…have a gentle week!

Dr. T.

Photo Credits (in order): Depositphotos/ Dmyrto_Z; Sumners; focuspocusltd.