Have you ever had a day where you woke feeling “not good enough” and then that feeling caused you to work in panicked mode from the moment you got up until you finally collapsed at night? You began the day screaming at the kids and ended the day with everybody screaming? You ended up in despair because you worked so hard and it still wasn’t “good enough.” Well here’s something just for you.

The worst thing that happens when we look at our lives and tell ourselves we are inferior is that we become driven by fear. Fear has no heart so it drives us mercilessly. Like the ugly sisters in Cinderella who always have “one more chore” for Cinderella to do before they will let her go to the ball, sense of inferiority is never satisfied no matter what we do. It will drive us relentlessly from dawn to dusk and then lock us up in the attic anyway. Just like the ugly sisters, FEAR has no intention of setting us free because it would lose a hard working slave.

It is always dangerous waters to compare ourselves with others and then to evaluate who we are, what we do or what we have by this yardstick. This is because there will always be those who have more than we do. More importantly, such comparison often leads to fear, feeling “behind” and not good enough. We rarely compare ourselves to others while maintaining any kindness for ourselves.

Honour Your Walk

Here is an antidote, particularly if your life is hard. Begin your day by giving dignity to your hardship and struggle. Look at yourself with kind eyes and tell yourself, “My world is good just as it is. For now.” Feel the relief of not have to fix it today. When life is hard two of the hardest aspects are: Fear and Feeling Inferior. If you can stop those two bad guys your world suddenly becomes easier.

Why is this hard for many of us? In the 21st Century having stuff and material success are widely accepted as proof of “doing right” and being superior as a human. It is kind of like what Christianity did for people in the Middle Ages. If you were Christian you were superior and “right.” Thus, you could feel quite good about invading other countries and slaughtering people who “deserved” it because they were heathen. In the 21st Century many people believe that money makes you “right” and poverty makes you “wrong” but it ain’t necessarily so. Of course there is nothing wrong with progress and success but, having hardship does not mean you have done something wrong and are bad or inferior. There are many reasons that people face hardship.

The Native Americans used to say, “Don’t judge any man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins.” A couple of months living your life? Many people would be giving you a standing ovation! You would certainly get some dignity and respect.

Embrace Your Courage

Be sure to give this to yourself. If we would change our communities back to spaces where it was considered rude to superficially judge and arrogantly label others life would become easier for all. Until that happens defend yourself.

Remember that no-one knows how much courage and hard work it has taken you to get where you are today. You know how much it takes you to get up each day and to do the best you can. Acknowledge your courage and your efforts and honor where you are, “This is a good place I have gotten to.” Ignore others’ judgments and honor your journey.

No matter how much pain you are in, ask yourself, “Am I still trying today?” “Have I gotten myself up to have another shot at it today?” Some days that takes more courage than others. It will help you to get up and try again today if you will first honor yourself for your own effort.

When you are down and you pull yourself up from the depths to stand again THAT is the victory. Anything else is a bonus. Ask yourself, “ Am I soldiering on?”
You “soldiering on” is an act worthy of honor. We are all doing the best that we can. If you are healing while trying to mother at the same time you are performing a double act of courage.

What if growth is not “doing better” but “being kinder” to yourself in your life? The kindness begins with not judging yourself harshly for the life that you have. It is the only one you have.

Your own Life is precious.

As the only person who truly knows the walk you have had in your moccasins be loyal to yourself. Give yourself some dignity. Look back and remember all of the struggles you have been through and all you have tried, even if and ESPECIALLY IF, they have not yet borne fruit. Each struggle is itself a victory; an act of courage by a brave soul. If we have to slog through black mud each day it can be tiring. The victory can simply be slogging a while, then resting, doing what we can, resting and doing what we can. Honor this as a victory because it takes courage to keep going.

Courage is not being perfect. Courage is refusing to let others label your life as inferior and refusing to label yourself. African American slaves learned this lesson well. Their spirit of honoring is captured beautifully in Maya Angelou’s poem, “And still I rise….” Here is a small excerpt

“Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.”

No-one can break you if you will look with kind eyes at your life.

Look at wherever your life stands today and say, “This is a good place.” From that place you can begin all things.