Goldarned consciousness!

 

You gather your courage to look at how you grew up and what do you get?

NOW you see lots of crazy patterns you have to change. Goldarn it!

You may even have a list in front of you that is sooooo long that it just makes you want to take two aspirin and go back to bed.

 

Put down your pen. The very first thing you need to do after having done the hard work of looking at family patterns is NOT to work on family patterns!

The first thing you need to do is play.

Not pretend, “I’m a Princess,” hide and seek or Lego play, but some real, honest to goodness adult play. (No not Hugh Heffner play either, although parts may apply!)

 

The problem with crazy families is that children don’t get to just be unselfconscious, free and to play as they need.

 

In crazy families the adult nuttiness intrudes on the peace of the moment with its own particular chaos.

 

The ego bound family insists that all free play time is devoted to structured activities that “develop talent.”

The fearful, angry family fills all free moments with lectures, arguments, reprimands and instructions.

The fearful, anxious family takes away the liberty of play with too many rules, worries and precautions. And so on….

 

“A child kept from play is an abused child.” It is a strong statement but true.

 

A child that grows up unselfconsciously and playing freely develops confidence, optimism and curiosity.

A child that grows up without adequate play develops neurosis, depression, anxiety and so forth. You get the gist.

 

What does this mean for you?

 

Happiness, the sense that everything is manageable, the sense of “yahoo” and that life is fun, can come from play.

 

Without play we can lose hope and become dispirited and prone to depression. Play can lift your spirits and keep you out of the dark places.

If you have a long list of family nuttiness in front of you then probably you were a child who grew up without enough play or where play never led to relaxation because home was too tense.

Thus, the FIRST thing any “to do” list makes you feel is…. whatever you learned in your early childhood…. angry, despairing, tired, overwhelmed, depressed…whatever.

This is how the family legacy and pattern continues.

 

When you have been brave enough to look at tough things you need to reward yourself with some PLAY.

Your self has “been good” enough to do something tough.

Now you need to do something that just lifts your spirits because it feels carefree and irresponsible. (ie: “Childlike, without adult responsibility.”)

 

Play is not necessarily silly but is always carefree.

A holiday, massage or facial may not be play because they can also feel like an adult responsibility.

 

Going for a drive, dancing in your living room, playing rock music loud, buying yourself frilly underwear and new crazy boots MAY feel like play.

So might Thrift store shopping,

trying on purple lipstick,

dying your hair in stripes,

garage sale-ing,

greeting your mate in a gorilla mask,

going to the Library,

running into the surf, climbing a tree…

 ANYTHING that makes you feel happy just to think about doing it can be play!!

 

The thing about play is that it morphs. One day lashing out and going to the movies feels like play, another it feels dull and lifeless. The trick is to follow the life.

Serious notions of notions of “a facial,” “an hour at the gym” or three weeks in Tahiti may be too adult.

When your spirit is low or feels overwhelmed you need IMMEDIATE reward in the form of play.

 

 

In a healthier society we would get up everyday and ask ourselves,

 

“What do I need to do today?” AND,

“What is my play today?”

 

 

The proverb, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” is doubly true for mothers, whose risk of overwork is twice that of their male companions.   Overwork is one of the greatest risks to your parenting and your happiness.

Make sure you play today.

 

I’d love to hear about it! I’m off to play!

 

 

Photocredits (In order): c. Depositphotos/ CHRTKD; Elner_; sunsinger; monkeybusiness;bst2012; Free images;