“A rich child often sits in a poor mother’s lap.”

This Danish proverb can help us think about the assumptions behind our decisions.

Tibetan Khampa people are materially poor. Does that mean the nomadic Khampa child is poorer than the Western child?

Materially? They have fresh air, the freedom to move and explore and the riches of their own time. Our children are often have little or no time for themselves.

Socially? Absolute belonging in a community that knows and values them as individuals vs. western anonymity and the struggle for acknowledgment, position and status.

Suffering?

This is a big one.

How much do children suffer in our push, push culture?

How much therapy is devoted to trying to repair the damage many people carry from unhappy childhoods, let alone those that were neglectful or abusive?

What about the impact of the snubbing, shaming and bullying that is endemic in our schools?

Is a child who has no peace in their home, whether through mania (do, do), panic (hurry, hurry) or violence (force/push or else!), truly rich?

The idea that a rich child may be sitting in a poor mother’s lap can be very liberating for western mothers.

It can give us focus and power.

If our primary focus is to give our children a sense of safety, calm and care so they grow up with a sense of belonging and security then there is much less we have to do.

Football stardom, fame, social popularity and even good grades become “options” but only if they are along the pathway of good living – of days and weeks and months – of a childhood lived well.

If our focus is a childhood that gives our child a sense of their own value as well as a sense of CALM about life then we can begin to question our assumptions.

Does my child ACTUALLY have a passion to become a doctor/footballer/singer etc. or is this just my adult ego? (the ego may be hungry if doesn’t have a sense of belonging and being of value).

Is succeeding in THIS activity really essential for my child at this time?

Here are some easy questions you can ask about activities/ideas and people in your life:

1. Do they contribute to our family/ my child’s peace and wellbeing or diminish it?

2. Is it truly necessary?

3. Do they feed us as a family or deplete us?

4. Does this activity/idea/person feed and assist my primary focus of creating love, calm and care?

5. Do they inhibit/distract or deplete me, my family or my children?

With this kind of focus our yes/no becomes a clearer choice.

We are then able to succeed in creating what we REALLY want.

All powerful mothers can ensure their children are truly rich.

With care,

Dr. T

Photocredits (in order): c. Depositphotos/sbworld7; Lucidwaters; Steve_Allen; Poznyakov;Peogeo; ryanking999.