Gibran said, “Your daily life is your temple.”

For women I would extend that to saying, “YOU are your temple,” and self care is the doorway to your inner space.  In a world where women are tasked with tending  the needs of others few remember that it is the woman’s own self that is the vehicle for all the good that occurs.

YOU are your temple.

Most women leap up in the morning to give whatever is needed to whoever needs it without a sense of themselves as the vehicle from which the good flows. Of course, there ARE tasks that must be done, particularly with small children, but there is a tremendous difference between giving automatically, like a vending machine with no sense of self, and giving with an awareness of the good self doing the giving.

If we begin our mothering tasks with no sense of self we become vending machines, thoughtlessly distributing energy and care with no sense that our shelves are emptying and ending the day tired, depleted or, worse, angry that no-one “gives back.” Even if there is another adult present at the end of the day there is an inherent problem with women giving, without watching their own sense of self, and then being dependent on someone else to “re-stock” them.

It is easy for women to tend to the needs of others and help others at their own expense. but our first job of the day is to check our selves, make sure we aren’t drained and depleted and self care. My Grandmother used to remind me of this by saying, “They have their family to take care of; you have yours.”

YOU are your own temple, the space in which you live each day, and the roof under which your children take shelter. This is particularly important. Small children cannot and should not be meeting adult emotional needs for self care. It is very damaging to their developing sense of self to be asked to care for a drained adult. It is our job to ensure that we don’t get to that point.

Now, if we take the idea that you are a temple and that this temple ( house or whatever analogy works for you…) is the ONLY shelter that your children have, then it becomes very important that you take care of it. A collapsed, burned out smoking ruin can provide no shelter for small children. This is why, if we become overly stressed, small children will ask anxiously, “Are you okay Mummy?”  They know intuitively that your well being keeps the emotional roof over their heads.  Your self care is their care as well.

TAKING CARE OF YOU

Begin your day by checking the condition of your “temple” with the simple question,

“How am I feeling today?”

Where are your energy levels? Superman level or village hermit? High or low?

What is happening for you?Are you happy, excited, tired, run-down, peaceful, pre-flu, pre-menstrual, energetic?

This simple check gives you a general idea of how many stores you have. In turn this valuable information about how to manage your day well and how to self care whatever you face.

If, for example, it is a high energy day be sure to prioritize tasks that will really make a difference to YOU, your child and your family before you do things for other people.

If you have a low energy day then you need to take special care and re-build your emotional and physical stores. Here are some simple tips for managing a low energy day:

FIVE TIPS TO MANAGE A LOW ENERGY DAY

1. Do a Pick-Me-Up as Soon As Possible:     Is there something simple you can do that usually picks your energy up? A walk in the park? Yoga? Positive affirmations? A website that uplifts you? Weeding your garden for ten minutes? Driving with the hood down? Green smoothie? If so, invest in this as your first priority. You want to boost your energy before you tackle the rest of the day.

2. Cancel ALL unnecessary, draining or unpleasant appointments. If it is not urgent today then don’t do it today. Be honest about this. Fixing the lawn mower blades, getting a quote on having the shed painted and even getting your nose wart removed are not urgent. Your priority today is to conserve stores and to re-stock yourself. As a general rule of thumb superficial social or large social gatherings should be avoided. You don’t want to use up precious stores of energy that you, or your children, may need later in the day.

3. With tasks you CANNOT avoid be VERY careful with yourself. Stay mindful of the fact that your stores are low. Remind yourself, “I am tired today, I can’t invest too much energy in this task.” When you have to be with other adults be a quiet observer rather than the Chairman or the life of the party. If you have to take the kids to the zoo then slow the pace and make it a leisurely day. Don’t harangue yourself to see every animal or every exhibition. Spend a long time in areas where the kids are happily self-entertained. Sit down and take breaks. Take more breaks! A calm day at the zoo can be a happy day. Self care is central.

4. VEGETATE! It is fine to veg and watch your favorite movie or read a novel if this is possible. Physical inactivity can be very replenishing. Low energy is your body’s message that it needs time to renew and restore tissues. Sometimes it is a message that the body is fighting off a virus or flu. Be sure to eat some nourishing food that you find delicious, to drink lots of water/teas/fluids and to go to bed earlier than you even think is necessary. As soon as you can.

5. Remind yourself that, because you are being careful, your energy will return. Often much quicker than you think! Honor yourself for being responsible about your own energy, your life and your  self-care.

The mythology of the “selfless” mother who endlessly gives without tiring causes women to override their bodies’ own messages about the need for rest, food, rejuvenation and joy.

The Dalai Lama once said, “The world will be saved by the western woman.”

Perhaps this is because women who once were vending machines and then learned how to self care and nourish themselves become self-replenishing. It is the skill of self replenishment that can save us all.

Self Care: Set Your Own Limits